psychic_hotline | 02 ☕ Voice

[Warden Filter]

I have a question. I know I'm new here and it's a little personal, but it's your choice whether or not you answer.

[A pause. Still very much unused to this 'talking into the ether' thing.]

I've heard there are floods where you completely change. Either you literally turn into somebody else - someone you knew from home - you do that, or your identity changes so much you might as well be somebody else. And theoretically the person you turn into might get off on hurting people, or just won't care enough to protect them if they get hurt.

And - correct me if I'm wrong, but floods are random. Whether or not you're affected is the luck of the draw. You can't do anything to stop it, and you can't do anything to soften the blow.

How do you deal with knowing that?

[Private to Sarah Connor, wayyyy backdated to a few days post-port]

I'm glad I had someone to have my back in there. Hell of a place.

You alright?

[Spam for Arthas, taking place after this.]

[Sara woke to find her sheets shredded, the oversized T-shirt she slept in hanging off her body in pieces, the Witchblade's armour smothering the entire bed - but it melted back onto her wrist as she staggered to the bathroom just in time to throw up everything her body had to give. For a long time she just knelt there on the cold tiles, shaking and hyperventilating.

What the fuck had she just seen? Parts of it were vague and fuzzy as she gathered other people's dreams were, but other things she recalled with her usual clarity. She could feel herself elbow-deep in Arthas' mind, rummaging through his corrupt and rotten memory like it was a goddamn filing cabinet.

The symbiote was silent. If anything it seemed unsettled - well, that was fucking perfect. The nigh-omnipotent entity strapped to her arm was unsettled.

She threw on the clothes closest to hand and escaped, eventually washing up on deck. It was maybe 3 a.m.; the air felt fresh and cold. She sunk down against the railings at the bow of the ship and sat there, breathing deeply.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

surfaceshine

You're right, the floods are random, both what they are and who they affect. And you're right about all that other stuff too, the shit that happens sometimes.

How important is what you came here to get to you? [He's not asking what it is, mind; he wouldn't take well to anyone asking about his own warden deal. But she asked. He sounds businesslike and tired, but more put together than he's been... other times.]

From:

psychic_hotline

Extremely.

From:

surfaceshine

That's how I deal. Whatever happens here is just chaff, another hurdle between me and what's mine. Eye on the prize. It's more important than any of this crap, and anything I might have to do to get to it.

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psychic_hotline - Date: 2012-05-06 08:06 pm (UTC) - Expand

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batmanschmatman

A cocktail of optimism and denial? Or just not worrying about it, really. There isn't anything I can do to change it or control what happens, and I'm not going home until my deal's finished, so that kind of means suck it up and deal.

If it makes you feel better, it's really just that one [You know. The one where we all have goatees and are horrible monsters.] that's potentially really bad.

From:

psychic_hotline

...

Everyone seems to be assuming I'm asking how to cope with it emotionally. They think I'm talking about the guilt after a flood; I'm not. 'Suck it up and deal' has been my entire life. I know how that goes. I don't need the refresher course.

I'm asking - how to process it logically right now. Every day I'm here, I'm saying 'whatever terrible, shitty things I might do to anyone else here under the influence of a flood are less important than my deal with the Admiral'. I want to know how people deal with that.

Edited Date: 2012-05-04 12:21 pm (UTC)

From:

batmanschmatman

Logically? I guess I just remind myself that I'm here for 100,068 people who were killed in a terrorist attack. So yeah, a flood might suck and might be traumatic and I might need to apologize for the rest of the time I'm here for whatever I've done, but that's more important than whatever I might do because of a flood.

Not to turn into "that guy who constantly references Star Trek", but it's kind of a classic 'the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few' situation. And I'm okay with that, so I just try not to worry too much about what might happen because of where we are. I don't really know what to tell you to be doing differently.

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From:

lastmanstanding

It's supposed to help you.

[But it doesn't. Not really. Hoffman shakes his head. As a former inmate he can attest to this.]

...Fuck if I know. You just roll with the punches.

From:

psychic_hotline

Never been my strong suit. I'll have to work on it.

How's the other side of the fence treating you?

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lastmanstanding - Date: 2012-05-04 04:44 pm (UTC) - Expand

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timesbureaucrat

I believe denial and repression are the coping methods of choice.

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psychic_hotline

Does anyone find that useful?

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creatingalegacy

How badly do you want what you came here for, and how invested are you in your inmate? Because either you find a way to live with the guilt, or you quit and fuck off back home. Personally, I'm not willing to forfeit my deal or abandon Lua, so I just suck it up, issue apologies and live with the nightmares.

From:

umgekehrt

Denial. Denial and knowing it doesn't last.

From:

psychic_hotline

Wouldn't denial just make it worse when it happens again?

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most_feared

I usually take it as it comes, and deal with the consequences by expecting that there will be. And by knowing that everyone else here is probably going through the same thing.

Not the most helpful thing for some people, but it's how I do it.

Edited Date: 2012-05-04 06:13 am (UTC)

From:

psychic_hotline

Doing terrible things to other people is manageable so long as everyone else is doing the same things to you. It's like I never left Manhattan.

[Gallows humor: it's what's for breakfast.]

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most_feared - Date: 2012-05-04 08:29 pm (UTC) - Expand

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darknessb4me

[The smell of smoke lingered.

Arthas, or the chimera of a mind that had taken to calling itself that, had two equally strong urges. One was to curl up in a corner and wait to die, and that part felt at least somewhat human. There would be no redemption, because no matter how his choices damned him he would make them again just the same. In all possible worlds he was a cautionary tale.

The other was the rage of a thing that had been chained all its life - in a throne, in a crown and sword, in a mercurial human host and an interminable afterlife, and now in a dream by some tiny mind that really had no idea who it was fucking with.

The door to the deck burst open like a floodgate and Arthas stormed out, billowing black cape and all. He didn't even pause before looking directly over at Sara.]

Where is it?

From:

psychic_hotline

[The Witchblade swarmed over her arm instantly, armor plating forming over her shoulder - not in response to his question but in the awareness that its host wasn't safe while this encounter was happening. But she considered him answered nonetheless and she really, really didn't know what to say to him. She didn't move.]

Edited (how to tenses) Date: 2012-05-04 09:46 am (UTC)

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psychic_hotline - Date: 2012-05-05 12:12 pm (UTC) - Expand

Spam - arthas' insecurity is directly proportional to how much of an asshole he is

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Spam - moar emo moar problems

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Spam - for shor

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From:

rass_bestie

You have your answer… are you finding it difficult?

From:

psychic_hotline

It's still theoretical. I haven't been affected by a flood yet.

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From:

trenchcoatedly

What do you mean 'how do you deal'?

From:

psychic_hotline

I mean, how do you adjust to the fact that your control over your own behavior completely depends on whether or not there's a flood on.

Re: warden filter

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trenchcoatedly - Date: 2012-05-04 10:36 pm (UTC) - Expand

warden filter

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From:

peektuttut

I guess...I think about what I'd do in that situation, and I know I'd choose differently. It doesn't help much when you have those memories, but...it's a good thing to remind yourself of.

From:

psychic_hotline

Yeah.

How'd this last flood treat you?

From:

buildindreemz

Take what you can from them, if there's something useful, and otherwise just remember it wasn't actually you doing and saying those things, and try to forgive and forget.